His steadfast love.

I will recount the steadfast love of the Lord, the praises of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us, and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to the abundance of HIS steadfast love.
(Isaiah 63:7)

sometimes words don't possess meaning. or the right meaning. or enough meaning. i don't know but right now i have no clue what to write.

His love is overwhelming. it is uncomprehensible. i can't begin to describe it. His love.

never thought i would be writing on this blog again.

I arrived here in Romania at about 1a.m. this morning. Viorica and Niki were there to greet me with open arms! Viorica and I held hands the whole way to the car laughing and talking about what has happened in our lives since our last time together.

Jenn, its crazy how familiar it all looks. as we were driving so many memories were running through my head. it feels so normal for me to be here so natural--which i really hard to explain

sleep and food was basically all i could think about. the food problem was cured very quickly with a chicken sandwhich AND non other than our beloved fresh crepes and finetti :)

I got in bed around 3a.m.

at about 8:30 I woke up to Doina and Constanta knocking at my door and wrapping their arms around me....joy, excitement, peace, overwhelming love, compassion, happiness--does not begin to describe.

they told me i had about 10 minutes to get ready for church and so i threw on some clothes and we ate breakfast together and then hand in hand headed for the metro. it felt like nothing had changed. except the amount of love between the three of us. we only have to look into each other's eyes to know what the other is thinking.

we speak in three languages. my mind is so confused right now. i'm saying Hola! Cha faci! adios! how are you? Vale! cuplacere! gracias! Constanta and Doina have had to stop me while speaking spanish about 10 times today..because i forget that i dont' have to speak spanish here.

we got to the church a little late but as i entered i realized it was jam packed full of people. and the speaker was speaking in english! come to find out there is a team here from california on a mission trip. about 17 are staying here for two weeks working through/with Constanta's church. so the whole service was either translated into english or the speaker was speaking in english! ahhhmazing :)there were about 3 pastors from the states and they all had their turn to share/sing.

during the random spurts of praise as i was standing listening to the mix of english and romanian words fill the air--all bringing glory to God..i thought in my head..i could be home here.

its the same feeling i felt when i spent time at Emilio's house in Sevilla with 4 other believers until 4 in the morning singing praise songs in spanish....i could be home here

here in the midst of people who love Him. who have realized their depravity. their utter nothingness and have decided to become vulnerable and fall in love with the one who chose to pour His love on us. i feel at home.

church ended about 2pm :)

after church Constanta, Doina, and I started home. ahhhh there is no way for me to describe how refreshing how incredible it was to spend the day walking around the city with them. we went to Santa Maria first for a little while. i walked into the hall and Caitalina ran towards me shouting Emily!!!! we stayed there for a while just talking and hanging out with the girls...we walked a lot and took a lot of buses and finally about 5 pm got back to Viorica's.

we ate dinner together and decided what the plan is for the rest of the week.

this weekend the mission team and constanta's church is putting on a big concert Saturday night. so tomorrow night we are going to go with them to the park and help pass out flyers. wednesday i am going with Constanta with a foundation called "Children to love" to another orphanage, mostly all little kids, and we are going to spend the day there.


ahhhh

sometimes the bible comes alive to me.

and phrases like...
"many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand" (proverbs 19:21)

and

"my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord, For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."(Isaiah 55:9)

they are more than just words when they start to describe your life.

over the past couple of years of my life i feel like i have said a million times in my head or heart "who am I? and whose life am i living? is this reeeeally me?"

and as i was reading in matthew on the plane out of Italy early this morning...this thought was crossing my mind yet again.....and the words of Jesus suddenly resonated in my heart within a verse that i have heard my whole life and...it came alive to me.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (matt.10:39)

this isn't my life. this isn't me living. i honestly feel so out of the picture sometimes it scares me. as if i was living inside of someone else's body.

but now it makes sense. what Jesus said and what i've heard my whole life makes sense. and most people would say well yea thats not that hard to figure out. well it was for me. and it still is for me. but...it is in this weird feeling of not living that i feel the most alive.

irony at its best.

the moments when i feel like screaming "somebody pinch me!!" because i feel like its not really me doing the action or experiencing whatever it is i'm experiencing. i love those moments.

i am having to fully run on faith right now. rely fully on the Love of my God to pour out of me. and i love it because i don't feel alive....yet i feel like i'm actually living.

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letters do not do justice. words can not even pretend to proclaim what is in my heart.

i love you all very much!

and i am glad to be back..eating crepes, listening to the bird chriping, and looking forward for tomorrow because i have no idea what it is going to bring...

jenn i miss you. wish you were here with me. everyone misses you very much