you are too high...

Jenn and I are done with finals...:)

and my heart is about to burst with excitement about Romania. Every morning when I wake up I stand in awe of how our God has orchestrated this outrageous opportunity before us. I had lunch with a dear friend a few days ago and after talking with her and sharing with her how this trip came about and all the crazy things God has taught me, blessed me, and shown me---i was overwhelmed with the love of our Father...

Our "romanian" story is a hard one to explain. Sometimes when I sit down with people and talk with them about it I honestly don't have the words to describe or somehow relay to them what the trip is all about. I suppose it is because Jenn and I honestly don't know…

It sounds crazy...doesn't really make sense...I mean I tell people about our trip to Romania over Christmas break and sometimes I just want to settle for simply telling them that..."we are going to Romania for two weeks to visit orphanages and pass out presents"---but that does not suffice.

No, that does not even touch the surface of what the Lord is doing. However, I can’t explain all that he is doing. I know, I am beginning to sound like a broken record or that I keep going around and around in a circle. Let me try to explain…I feel like the Lord has shown me only what is inches away from me…and the rest…well, my only choice is to trust him, to have faith that He is in control-- that his thoughts are so much higher than mine. Psalm 139:6 --“such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.”

This is a trip full of purpose in both mine and Jenn’s hearts. We don’t know what the future holds for us. We do know the desires the Lord has put in our hearts and through this trip he is beginning to show us how these desires might be met.

We both want to travel. We both want to work with people, love on them, communicate to them, reach them with the love of Christ. We don’t know if that means missionaries, or if it means working in a business/corporation making money in order to give to the cause of missions or influence others. Maybe working for non-profits..? and funny how God has allowed us to go to Romania working along side a non-profit organization. (His Little Ones)

So its ok that we “cannot attain it”. That we don’t know exactly what the Lord is doing—we are just trying to follow him not knowing the destination
…

This trip has taught me a lot about humility. I am left on my knees. I can’t count the amount of times I have had to throw my hands up and realize that my finite mind, my stupid agenda, my selfish desire—it all crumbles when compared to Him.

His plan.

His glory.

How dare I throw at Him these things, whining that I don’t grasp what He is doing and then demand He show me exactly what he is doing--before I take the step he has already asked me to take…

Faith is hard. Not understanding is hard. Not seeing the big picture is hard. Trusting that the
Lord knows what he is doing, regardless of how I feel--- is hard.

But it is beautiful.

It is beautiful to see how the Lord gently pursues me, disciplines me, and refines me. He knows I get frustrated when I don’t “see” what is going on, He knows that makes me uncomfortable—
yet He has asked me to jump in every facet of my life.
.
.
.
Without knowing what is at the bottom

Without knowing when he is going to catch me

But having faith that in his timing-- He will.

So, here we are. Jenn and I are boarding a plan on December 27th at 10:30 p.m. God has handed us this amazing opportunity to go for two weeks, to immerse ourselves in a world so unlike ours, to see children who have nothing, to encourage the believers there who love them every day, to rip off the lenses that we have always looked at the world through and attempt to see it a different way.

We are carrying so many presents with us—this is going to be the best Christmas ever for these precious children! And I praise the Lord! He has chosen us to go and we are going to be the hands of Jesus. I pray that He fills us so much with His love. I pray it pours out of everything we do, and everywhere we go—so that whoever we are with will know Christ, that every time we hand a child a gift or give them a hug that the Lord will use it to show His love.

In the beginning I had such an internal struggle. Asking myself—why? You know when the devil whispers all those questions in your mind...I mean really, we are only going to be there for two weeks and what are we going to do? Hand out some presents…hold babies…say “Jesus loves you”. I just wrestled with seeing a suitable purpose…when I don’t see that 1+1=2 or in other words when I don’t see that what we are doing is going to produce something tangible, then I find myself thinking-- “we are kidding ourselves if we think we will make a difference.”

I hate feeling the pressures of this American Christianity—that if what I am “doing” doesn’t produce something visible/obvious then it doesn’t really mean anything. I hate that I feel compelled to come back and have a pretty wrapped up box of all the things God did that fits perfectly into “religion”.

Jenn and I read James 1:27 yesterday..."Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

..I have to get quiet..I have to get alone with Him, and then the voice of my Father is so much stronger, so steady. And I realize…my purpose is to know Him.

"You are My witnesses, says the Lord, and My servant whom I have chosen, that you may know Me, believe Me and remain steadfast to Me, and understand that I am He. Before Me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after Me. I, even I, am the Lord, and besides Me there is no Savior"--Isaiah 43:10-11

That’s what we are striving for.

To know him, to believe in him, to remain steadfast in Him, and to understand that He is the one and only God.

So this is just a life trip for us, a different phase in my relationship with the Lord…getting to know Him better

I don't want to be "stained" by this world, the American way of doing things, or the religion we have created... ..I have to get quiet..I have to get alone with Him, and then the voice of my Father is so much stronger, so steady.

This is echoed in Matthew’s gospel.."Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."—Matt. 22:36-4

My mom said everyday to me, "Love God and Love people, thats my calling"--she has inspired me

Please pray for me—that I will daily fall on my knees before our creator and realize that it is NOT about me—that even the desires he has placed in my heart are not about me. We live for a greater purpose…and ultimately I am to love Him and sacrifice to serve others.

I will cling to the words of Isaiah as we travel in only 12 days…knowing that whatever happens my love for Him has grown, my understanding of Him has grown, my faith in Him has grown and I am learning to love on other people—and regardless of what Jenn and I DO, that’s all that matters—we want to Be like Christ.

--emily